Patience

I’m praying for patience today. Things have been rough. The baby is teething so he’s being extra fussy. I’ve lost my patience a few times today and having a harsh tone with my son. I hate when I do that. My head is spinning sometimes and it’s so hard to feed myself, drink enough water, take my vitamins, bathe, even use the restroom. Sometimes everything is so difficult and I am so overwhelmed. I have so much trouble asking for help. It’s so hard. I don’t know why I feel like I can’t ask for help. It’s a horrible family trait I have. Hyper independence. I’m sure it’s because when you deal with narcissists for so long - they truly punish you for needing help and for having needs at all. I wish that I knew more people that wanted to genuinely help others. To be there for others in their highs and lows. Most people are such fair weather people. They only like you when you’re up or you can do something for them. Be wary of men that like independent women or low maintenance or super “strong” women. I feel it’s code for saying I don’t like to be bothered with your problems. I want / need someone who can figure it out themselves versus a man that has a service mentality. Men that want to / need to help you - people that are so together than they want to help you solve your problems because they have their lives and themselves in a great place. I feel like I always attract emotionally overcharged or damaged people - probably because of my past. Recently I feel like I am shifting out of a victim mentality into something else. I’m also setting more boundaries for relationships in my life. I recently got reacquainted with an old highschool friend. She seems like her life is much more balanced and she’s in a healthier place than most of my past friends. I think this is no coincidence and the Universe is showing me that I am changing and ready for something different in my life now. Hopefully this will be the beginning of a true, healthy and mutually beneficial friendship and open the doors to more.