Anxiety Disorder

Nombre trente-huit/ # 38

I’m fairly sure I have an anxiety disorder. The amount of intense anxiety I feel on a daily basis is unreal. I feel like my skin is crawling. Anxiety medication is so bad for your brain, your memory specifically and God knows what else. I’m too scared to go on. I would only if it was a life or death situation for myself or my son. Meanwhile I feel terrible. I didn’t realize that having a small child would make my anxiety feel worse than I have in almost a decade. I feel like screaming - not screaming at anyone - certainly not my baby - it’s not his fault. Just screaming. I want to do that exercise where you scream into a pillow but I don’t want to do it in front of him. So I can’t. He’s teething right now. I think he has his first top and bottom tooth now so he needs to be holding me or seeing me at all times right now. It’s been raining for I haven’t been able to do our daily stroller walks for 3 days now. I suppose the only things I can do is try to exercise, drink water, meditate, journal, cut the sugar, increase nutrition and get better sleep. It’s sort of a laugh though like good luck with that but I am going to try because there’s really nothing else I can do. I’ve been considering starting talk therapy again but I’m not sure my baby could be entertained for that long with or without me. He would be telling the therapist “da-da” everything about how he feels and what he’s been going through lately I’m sure. He’s a talker.