Impact
One thing I’ve always had trouble with is establishing what’s the most important or valuable thing to work on. I find myself working but never producing anything. I either never complete something or I spend hours working on an aspect that won’t produce results or progress, etc. I don’t know why I do that. Maybe I lack a big picture mindset. Lately I’ve been writing down a list of my goals. Things I need/want to do and trying to identify what is the most important thing to work on in order to achieve this goal. What will make me feel more successful? What outcomes will make me feel like I am winning today, this month, this year? I need to almost reverse engineer by actions. This does not come natural to me. What actions will have the biggest impact with the least or minimal amount of time ? What actions will give me the most progress or work output? What activities or routines will put me closer to my dream life, my ideal vision of myself? This last one is important for me personally on a morale level. I feel that I can get pessimistic very quickly. I wrote down a list of things I want in my dream lifestyle and my dream version of myself. I wrote another list underneath that of what I could do everyday that would get me closer to this reality and/or make me FEEL like I was living that life. For example, my dream version of myself would have immaculate hair and get dressed up in a stylish way everyday (not over the top just stylish). Even though currently I don’t go very many places I thought to myself - if this is something that doesn’t take too much time out of my day - say it’s takes 20 minutes- wouldn’t it be worthwhile to do this just for my mental health and morale. This small action would infuse positivity into myself, my life, and my dreams. Self care to me is a reflection of self esteem. For many years I did the bare minimum with my look. I know it wasn’t because I was busy or that beauty isn’t important - all of the excuses I made were just me lying to myself. it was because I have low self esteem. It’s because caring for myself has never been a priority. That makes me sad. I want to change this. I want to be in some part the person I envision. My highest self DOES care about what I look like and prioritizes self care and self love. This is not superficial. It is valuing your life and respecting yourself. I want to value and celebrate my life, to make each day special and exalted in some way. Life is a treasure and a gift. I know that might seem silly to someone else. You might ask why does it matter if you are stylish or do your makeup and hair? But I believe if I imagine myself living the life I want to live and can feel it in my real life now - that it will get me even closer to the complete reality. If it’s not too time consuming (less than 30 minutes a day ) then why not? For someone like me where pessimism and low self esteem tends to crush my goals before they even get off the ground, I want to experiment with this and try it for 30-90 days and see if it makes a difference. It’s at least trying something new. You can learn about yourself and what works and what doesn’t. If you’re just doing the same strategies all the time and failing at those you’ll never see any results. Just because some strategy worked for someone doesn’t mean it will work for you. You’re not a failure if it doesn’t work - just keep trying. You’re only a failure if you give up on yourself. I know so many women are saying this on the internet but I want to romanticize my own life. I need to glamorize my own life. This is potentially the only life I will ever have. In this age where we are using social media and watching the curated lives of the most wealthy, famous, lucky individuals and all their amazing opportunities. They are not wasting time on you. Think of all the time you spent looking at others who do not care a thing for you. I need to look around and look at the amazing and beautiful things that are happening everyday in my life. I feel this the most when I look at my son. To me. he is the most beautiful thing in the world. He makes me feel rich, lucky, privileged and blessed. I am in awe of him. He is a complete and utter beauty. A beautiful miracle given to me by the Creator. He is made completely of love, innocence, joy and goodness. He takes my breath away. What a wonder! What a love! What a gift! Thank you Universe. My life is amazing. I am so lucky and I feel that every time I see his laughing, smiling, grinning face and his beautiful eyes. What a beauty he is! What a life.
