In moment: Breeze / Brise
Today is a moment where I am feeling amazing, like life is so good and beautiful. I just want to take a moment to document it. I am laying in bed with my 9 month old adorable son. It’s noon on a Monday. I just nursed him into a well fought sleep. He does not want to sleep these days. He’s just beginning to take his first steps alone. He grins and takes him hands off the couch as I cheer him along. He giggles and takes a few steps until he crashes to the floor. It’s terrifying and beautiful and enormous. He’s eating regular food whenever he can now. If I have something in my hands - he’s sure it’s his and I’m cruel until I give him a bite or a chance to grab it and stuff it into his mouth as he did this morning with my madeleine cookie. I’m trying to avoid sweets but I’m losing so much weight recently as I struggle to feed him and myself, still nursing on demand and watching him hyper vigilantly. The weather is glorious today . For the past 3 days, our normally hot and humid midwestern land-locked summer weather has subsided to a cool almost ocean breeze of 66 degrees. I adore this weather and it’s one of the reasons why I often dream to live near the sea. I always think of Florida because my family would sometimes take summer vacation there but I could go anywhere with a beach, a breeze and a mojito. As usual, there’s so much I need to do that I’m not doing but for right now I am content to lay here in bed with my sleeping baby and feel the breeze on my skin. I want to improve so much, to be and do more. I wish that I had had a successful wealthy life as you see so much with celebrities and stars of our day plastered all over television commercials, events and social media. America’s obsession with fame and success. But I am happy with my little part of life. The silent invisible life. My beautiful gift of a son which has quite truly been my hardest challenge yet but here we are my little family. We are alive and well. We have a roof over our heads, plenty of food and comforts thanks to my partner and I - and plenty of love. Things will get better. Maybe one day I will be a great success and I will make myself and my children proud. (I hope to have one more baby). Perhaps everyday will be more about progress and learning; not perfection and “success”. Instead striving toward a goal that makes you feel good about yourself and the world. Assessing yourself - your personal successes and failures are important in order to be more focused on your true goals and desires. Always check in and re-evaluate. Are you doing things for the right reasons; to fulfill your dreams goals and desires? To make your family’s lives better, more enriched? I truly hope for success because I want my children to feel abundant and wealthy as well as loved. I would greatly love to improve my mom’s life as she’s worked so hard her whole life with nothing in return. I know she considers her children to be her greatest reward but I would like to do more for her one day. I would love to travel and experience foreign lands, languages, and cultures first hand with my children. Maybe that’s why I’ve had to wait so long to travel - I was meant to go with my children and I was meant to be trilingual. I need to brush up on my Spanish. Adios.
Quatrieme Jour.
