It feels like Winter already / L’ hiver deja
It feels too cold too soon. It feel like Winter now. The days have been hard. The baby cried for what seemed like 2 hours straight last night - while being held and/or nursed. And a hour before that screaming anytime I put him down. Rubbing and scratching his face and hitting himself. He’s so clingy and so miserable and hell bent on touching anything that is dangerous, dirty etc. You might say well just get all of that stuff out of the house but that would mean getting rid of the pets completely. Which I could probably do - I’m pretty heartless in that way but I have a partner who bought and invested in these animals so that’s not fair to him. Last night the baby only stopped screaming when I finally relented and let him get up and play. We petted the dog for a while and it made us both feel better.
Other people would say you should let your baby cry it out but he does quite a lot of self harming and I’m not okay with that. I constantly have to try to hold his arms down to protect him from himself when he gets too upset. It’s day 348 and once again having a baby has been nothing like I expected. I really can’t get much of anything done at all. Things about me or my interests are at an almost complete standstill. The baby is very slowly getting better but it’s still exhausting and barely manageable for one person. As soon as one thing gets better, something else old or new gets more difficult. His health is in a good place and so is his weight. I’m still breastfeeding. He mostly gets enough sleep (12-14 hours a day is the range for his age). The app I use tells me sleeps an average of 12 hours and twenty minutes. So I guess everything is going well. I’m dreading the idea that I’m going to have to start weening soon. He’s so unbelievably difficult . It doesn’t mean he’s not beautiful, adorable, sweet and amazing but he’s very very attached and very very stubborn. I’m predicting weening will be a nightmare for me and him. I’ll probably give up like sleep training . We’ll see.
