Day 314

My mommy app proclaimed we were on day 314 with my little beautiful son. The time has gone by so fast -as everyone says. Random strangers always remark to cherish these days even though they may be difficult. They go by so fast and you will miss these days. They say. He’s so adorable and precious. His smiles of wonder and playful grins are spellbinding to me. He’s such an active, adventurous, tenacious child and many nights I am woefully exhausted. He’s 10 and a half months old. I have struggled so hard with becoming a mother. My anxiety has been through the roof and I’ve had a lot less help than I wanted. At times I would say, I had a lot less help than I needed. My mental health and my weight has declined since having a child . I’ve been slowly trying to build myself up again. I want to acknowledge that I am very lucky and blessed that my physical health and my son’s health have been great. This is truly a blessing. In addition I would say I feel that I look almost 95% the same as I did before pregnancy and childbirth. I am just a lot leaner. Unfortunately, not only did I lose fat but I lost a lot of muscle. It will be a journey to rebuild my muscle base which I might consider documenting once I have my son’s sleep schedule more reliable. While I think it’s more important to be muscular than skinny, I currently feel that all I can do is work on losing these last 8 - 10 lbs I want to lose. It should improve my cholesterol which I’d like to drop 24 lbs (so that I’m under 200). I would also really like to cut sugar out of my diet because my son will eat whatever I eat and I don’t want him to be a sugar addict like I am.

It’s kind of sad that it has taken me 10 and a half months to really actually be able to do some self care for myself. I’m allowed no real personal time. I’ve never been good at multitasking and I’ve always been someone who takes quite a long time to do things. I’m mentally quite quick (or I was before the baby) but I’ve always been a person that performs tasks in a leisurely way. I find when I’m trying to go fast, when I’m rushing around I tend to break things or hurt myself. Slow is steady I’ve heard. I’ve been nap trapped most of my postpartum because my baby is a terrible sleeper. This is probably the main reason my self care has been so difficult to maintain. This week I’ve started to be able to do some things in the room while he’s sleeping so hopefully this will continue .