One Month / Un Mois

I am approaching 30 days of posting. I am contemplating how this project has changed anything in my life so far from my daily actions, beliefs, thoughts etc. I think that the post I made about “bringing things back to myself,” is probably the most important change I have experienced since I first started this project. An internal action that I would attribute solely to working on this digital journal. Additional I started using an app which I wouldn’t completely endorse at the moment because I’ve only been using it probably for 2 weeks. This app is called Fabulous. I don’t like the name because it makes it seem kind of trite or maybe even beauty related. It’s allegedly scientifically testing approaches to dealing with ADHD and or habit building, procrastination problems. While I don’t feel like I have ADHD , I’ve had such a lack of focus even before the baby . I had trouble reading - an activity I used to love as a child and teenager. I think my issues are trauma based as well as self esteem and perfectionism issues. Before I started this app I’d been trying to develop a daily routine. I was writing one out in my notes but I was sure I couldn’t start it until things get better with the baby. I started using the app not knowing what it would offer other than the claim of improving ADHD and procrastination. It seems to be helping you create a routine for morning, afternoon and evening - along with other things but I’m just on the routine portion. I haven’t been perfect and extra diligent with the app as my days are sometimes really chaotic however I am learning and improving little by little. I would attribute my morning walks or trip to the park to this app. As well as my habit of afternoon tidying up one little spot - even if it’s not successful in my opinion meaning I didn’t fully complete the task to my specifications or satisfaction I still do something and that has really been noticed. My partner commented on it . I think it will improve my relationship some because he hates clutter and I am a very cluttered person. I don’t know if the app inspired me to start my grocery shopping and chores worksheet or if I was the conversation I had with my partner about conscientious. I think he thinks he’s manipulating me to become better at housekeeping and cooking by referring to my being a SAHM as my job now. I don’t really care if he thinks this way. I just want to be better at it for my son and I want to be able to cook the most delicious healthy meals for him everyday - one day. Fairly soon my baby will no longer be breastfed so I feel I need to come up with a plan for feeding him the way I want to. I plan on hopefully having him fully weened by 18 months so I have 7 and a half months to figure it out. I will continue to think about this but I think those are the few changes - slightly more focus on myself, maybe a little more positivity, building a personal morning routine and buying tools to help me with grocery shopping, meal planning and cleaning.