Surgeon General says Parental Stress is a public health concern

Since I have an almost 10 month old I wanted to weigh in on this topic. I definitely agree that parental stress is a major issue in my life. I was lucky that I got 8 weeks of paid maternity leave and my partner also got 8 weeks of paid paternal leave. I also got an additional 4 weeks of unpaid FMLA leave which they called “baby bonding “. Unfortunately I attempted to work part time after that but it was too stressful for my bsby snd I . My son really didn’t enjoying switching to being bottle fed on the days that I went to work and I honestly couldn’t pump enough to switch over entirely to bottle feeding . I decided to quit and become a full time stay at home mom. Luckily my partner has a fairly good job, we had made conservative spending decisions . We both have used cars which are fully paid off, and we live in a neighborhood and house which isn’t our favorite but the mortgage is low and the property taxes are too. The area is safe, pleasant enough and close to at least one family member. However, as I’m sure I previously mentioned - both my partner and I’ s - mothers live between 1-2.5 hours away . This has been a major stressor for me as it has placed almost all of the childcare on me with no reprieve from any other female relative . I felt so isolated and hopeless in the early months because my son was colicky. He also had a lot of trouble sleeping - which he still has - so I was massively sleep deprived. Once I got him go exclusively breastfeed - he had terrible trouble with gas and stomach pain from formulas - he really didn’t want to take a bottle so that meant all the nights were my responsibility. The stress was so extreme. I had postpartum depression and went to my doctor and several other practitioners for help. They really only want to prescribe me an antidepressant but since I was still breastfeeding I refused. I decided to do talk therapy online with Better Help which wasn’t covered by my insurance but I could use my HSA. I did that for two months . My postpartum depression continued until 7 months which one night I considered seriously hurting myself. I was going to wake up my husband or call my mom. It was the middle of the night. I thought surely my son is better off without me. What if I hurt him or myself ? I am so tired and deranged and angry. I just wasn’t getting enough rest and dropping so much weight. My mind felt like it was falling apart. I prayed to God and I promised if I made it through the night and my baby was fine in the morning - things would be different. I decided they had to be because he needed me and no one in the world might be able to care for him as best as I could. If I took my life than I would be putting him at risk of never having a mother or having someone worse than me. It’s very dramatic but if you have had postpartum depression it is a common thought to think you are a horrible failure and your child is better off without you. This is often very far from the truth but sleep deprivation and parental stress can be so extreme especially when you have no extended family to help you. I have been through a major amount of stress is my life and by far I put parental postpartum stress right up at the top along with being in a severely abusive relationship. The difference between the two of course - one was planned for a deeply wanted and loved (my child) and the other was a horrible unwanted experience (abuse). Both felt like life threatening experiences at times. I know I needed much more help and support postpartum that I didn’t get. I even sought help which is difficult to do and all they wanted to do was give me pills. I hated that . Thanks for nothing.

Jour Sept.